People, who are introverted, meaning they prefer their own company to that of others, are generally given the label of being anti-social. Often people feel sorry for them, as they are lonely and wish that they might be able to break the barrier that separates them from society. Wanting to be alone is often seen as a weakness, but a new study suggests otherwise. The study revealed that people wanting to be along are generally badasses.
People Who Spend Time Alone Are Powerful and Strong
Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, dedicated a huge part of her career to loners and had written a book sharing writing about people who prefer to be alone. The book and writings explain that it is not just her opinion, but there are reasons based on science as to why she believes that the people who spend time alone are strong and powerful. Her writings touch on just about everything from wanting to live alone to the positive psychology of being alone and benefits of living a life on your own.
One of the most important topics when talking about the concept of being alone and one that is often the first thought those have that are presented with the topic is single life. Today society paints a picture of being children, of true happiness being found in a special someone in your life, someone destined to spend the rest of your life with. This brings about the desire to find true love along with instilling a fear of being single and of living alone.
Study Revealed Fear of Living Single Life Influences Choices
DePaulo talks about a study with the title of “Settling for Less out of Fear of Being Single.” The study was undertaken by Stephanie Spielmann and a team from the University of Toronto. The study looked into how the fear of living a single life could influence the choices of people and encourage people to settle for something less than what they deserved to avoid being alone. This was said to result in situations that were negative, including anxious attachment.
The study was undertaken with two study groups. The first of the groups included 301 people who had been recruited online, and the average age was 29. A second group was made up of 147 undergraduates from Canada who had an average age of 19. Out of the 448 people who took part in the study, 35 were married, 236 single and 177 were dating someone when the study took place. Seven studies were undertaken, and the team came to the conclusion that there was a fear of being single and it was a meaningful predictor as to if someone would be happy to settle for something less in a relationship.
True Loners Do Not Fear Living Alone
DePaulo calls those who do not have any fear of being alone “true loners” as they embrace time spent on their own. The doctor said that these people do not fall into the bracket of being neurotic and scared. They are badasses who know their true worth and who want to find happiness alone instead of settling for someone that is less than what they deserve. She went on to say that, their happiness was not dependent on the validation of others.
DePaulo said that those who are not frightened of being alone are not overly sensitive to being rejected and they do not get their feelings hurt very easily. If they are in a relationship that is romantic their self-esteem does not depend on how the relationship fares. These people do not have a strong need to belong and are less likely to feel lonely or to become depressed because they are alone.
DePaulo concluded by saying that when the person’s openness, extraversion, conscientiousness and low level of neuroticism is put together people who are not afraid of being alone are totally badass.