McDonald’s To Add Lab-Grown ‘Chicken’ McNuggets To Its Menu


McDonald‘s just announced it will be the first fast food restaurant in the United States to add lab-grown meat to its menu. Following the success of Sergey Brin’s lab-grown burger experiment in London last year, McDonald’s says they will ‘grow’ their own chicken McNuggets in special laboratories across New Jersey. The move is expected to reduce the number of real chickens needed to supply the company’s 35,000 outlets across the globe.

Don Thompson, president and chief executive officer of McDonald’s, cited environmental concerns behind the company’s pledge to add lab-grown chicken McNuggets to their menu.

“With climate change raging out of control, we decided that it doesn’t make sense to use water and feed to keep real chickens alive anymore,” Thompson said. “Plus, animal rights activists have been on our case for a long time about how chickens are treated. This should put their concerns to rest.” Indeed, Ingrid E. Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) celebrated the announcement.

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“Although we think it’s bizarre that future McNuggets will be grown in a lab, we’re relieved to know that chickens no longer have to be sacrificed to feed McDonald’s customers,” Newkirk said. “But we won’t truly be happy until the company stops selling real beef burgers too, since cows suffer in disgusting feedlots across the United States.”

Before they can even think about growing fake beef burgers, McDonald’s must first master the art of making McNuggets grown in a lab taste like chicken. The company is working with scientists to grow the nuggets using stem cells from living chickens.

“We take stem cells from real chickens and add them to lab grown fat,” Thompson revealed. “We can’t tell you the rest of the ingredients that we use to make the McNuggets taste good, but we are here to assure loyal customers that they will be a lot worse than pink slime or that yoga mat stuff that Subway used.”

In response to concerns that people might be grossed out and stop eating at McDonald’s, Thompson said the American public doesn’t care what they eat as long as it’s cheap. In fact, he said, by 2025 every single item on the chain’s menu will be produced in a lab. Yum.