Testing the differences between bottled waters is much like discerning the subtleties of shades of grey: it’s way more masochistic than sexy. But while the variation from one to another might not be as pronounced as those in the realms of mac and cheese or frozen pizza, distinct differences do exist.
As proof, every year a group of water professionals meet in Berkeley, CA to judge over 100 waters, and crown superlatives like best municipal water, which can be found in Emporia, Kansas.
Don’t move there yet, keep reading! Although we don’t have access to any water sommeliers, we did have five friends who blindly tasted eight of the biggest bottled waters around: Aquafina, Evian, Mountain Valley, smartwater, Fiji, Dasani, Voss, and Pure Life. (Coca-Cola and pretzels were used to help dirty/clean the palates of the tasters.)
8. SMARTWATER
The story: The folks at Glacéau have their heads in the clouds. Their vapor distilled water is pulled from the sky, then given electrolytes for taste. On the bottle they trash talk spring water by making fun of people who like the taste of stuff that comes from under the ground. Snarky!
Tasting notes: Tangy. Tart. Reminds us of water that went through a Brita multiple times.
Final score: 3.9
Tasting notes: Starts off good, but the aftertaste wasn’t to our liking. It’s a voluptuous water. Very full-bodied. The Cabernet of water. This tastes like American excess.
Final score: 4.4
Tasting notes: It feels buoyant in your mouth, which our tasters didn’t fully embrace. Very clean and fruity. Hints of unchanged Brita filter.
Final score: 5.1
Tasting notes: Whoa, that’s a lot of minerals. The electrolytes levels are on overdrive. There is worry amongst the group about over-hydration. The texture is a little on the thin side. If this was a pair of jeans, it would be skinny, not apple-bottomed.
Final score: 5.6
Tasting notes: It’s got the most lab-created flavor, but by a meticulous scientist from an exotic land; not one of our sloppy, disheveled American brainiacs. There’s no aftertaste or lingering mouthfeel. So many minerals it’d pair well with rocks.
Final Score: 6.4
Brand: Nestle Pure Life
The story: Nestle owns 64 different brands of water, from Perrier to Poland Spring, but we tested their most popular: Pure Life. It’s classified as purified water, which means it comes from a well or municipal source and is then carbon filtered, softened, demineralized, re-mineralized, and disinfected with ultraviolet light and ozone.
Tasting notes: A clean taste, with no trace of minerals at all. Neutral in flavor. If you’re a marathon runner, this would be a great choice. It quenches in a very direct and pleasing way.
Final score: 6.6
Tasting notes: This has a lot of character. It’s expressive. Gravelly, but we liked it — it’s the Jack Palance of water. There’s a roughness around the edges. It seems like there’s a ton of minerals in there.
Final score: 6.8
Tasting notes: Sweet flavors. Incredibly high drinkability. Rejuvenating. Buttermilk flavors, but not so sour. Tastes like it’s beenfiltered through a geological treasure. Rich and luxurious mouthfeel.
Final score: 7.7CONCLUSION
And although not everyone had the same favorite, by the end, there was one thing each tester could agree on: they really needed to use the bathroom.
